


I Forgot Who I Once Was

by CreepyLittleLullaby



Series: Langst (Voltron Legendary Defender) [12]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adoption, Amnesia, Family, Galran Lance, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Repressed Memories, Sniper Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepyLittleLullaby/pseuds/CreepyLittleLullaby
Summary: Where is he? What happened? Why was he here?Who was he?Do you know who I am?





	I Forgot Who I Once Was

The ceiling was black with glowing shades of purple as he peeled open his eyes. The room was dim and somehow that made everything feel that much clearer. More sensitive. The feeling of soft sheets beneath his body, the stiff contrast of the clothing covering his body. The smell of clean metal invading his nose, foreign and strong. The taste of stale air on his tongue. And the sound of whirling, like a simulator in flight, with banging pipes and the murmur of voices echoed with footsteps in his half-conscious mind. 

Where was he? A ship he guessed. That’s what it felt like anyway. Or, what he felt like a ship would feel like. He didn’t remember ever being on a ship before. But his mind supplied the comparison either way, the swaying of motion even when he stayed still on the bed. 

How did he get here? He couldn’t remember. Now that he’d thought about it, he really couldn’t remember much besides basic things, what they were called. And strangely enough languages. He knew what the languages were called, but he didn’t remember how he knew them or where he learned them. Only that he knew them fluently. Except. He knew one way better than he knew the rest. Spanish. Was that his native language? The one he learned from his mother?

Who was his mother? No face conjured in his mind. Not a name or a scent or anything at all. And now that he was thinking about it. He didn’t even remember his own name. He brought a hand up to his face. Warm tan skin, smooth. Brown hair and he knew that he had blue eyes. A flash of him looking in the mirror popped into his head. He sighed in relief. He could recognize his reflection and basic things. That was, nice. Knowing his name would also be nice. Maybe, he could ask someone? There had to be someone else on this ship if it was flying, right?

The boy swung his legs over the edge of his bed, taking a moment to adjust as a wave of dizziness went through his skull. A tight black body suit was stuck to his body like a second skin. A wave of familiarity went of him, but he couldn’t place it. He felt like he’d wore this before… but there was something missing from it. He didn’t know what.

The dizziness subsided and he got up onto his feet, his legs were shaking a bit and he almost collapsed, but he was able to grab the bed and kept himself up. Working himself up into taking shaky steps, until his legs stabilized enough to walk without a limp. He wasn’t going to be running marathons anytime soon. Or at all. But. Hey. Walking was fine.

What the fuck happened to him?

Stumbling, he finally made it to the door, palms pressing flat against the cold flat metal of the door and he was stumped again. He wasn’t completely sure, but, he was ninety percent sure most doors had knobs. Or a push pull mechanic. This, didn’t seem to have either as the tan boy pressed on the door. It didn’t budge. Confusion settled in.

Was he in some odd version of jail?

Space jail?

The thought sounded weird, but he didn’t even know himself. How could he know if he didn’t do something to justify imprisonment? But, he had a feeling he wasn’t the worst person. He didn’t think him being in prison sounded right. He balled a fist and knocked on the door. His voice spilling from his lips.

“Hello?” It sounded a lot more timid that what his brain supplied his voice sounding like. But then again. He could understand why. Strange place. Strange clothes. Without a name. Without a family. He didn’t know what to expect. What to do. He was lost and slowly becoming more afraid. He jerked back in surprise as the door slid open seconds after his call. Eyes falling on a strange person standing in front of his door. Her eyes were wide and her lips curled into a smile at the sight of him. It startled him and made him slightly curious of the strange woman with the long oddly colored ponytail.

“You’re awake! That’s great news! You’re name’s Lance right? My name’s Ezor!” The woman stuck out her hand. Presumably for him to shake. Lance? It sounded right, but, not exactly. It sounded more like a nickname than a really name. But, was it his name? This woman apparently knew his name, but had introduced herself as well. The confusion from before tripled.

“Uh, I don’t know? I, um, it’s good to meet you.” The woman gave him a strange look, still looking cheery and friendly, with a touch of her own confusion.

“Your name is Lance, right? That was the name on the jacket we found you in.” The boy hesitated.

“I don’t know… it sounds right. But. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” The woman shook her head, placing her hands on Lance’s shoulders. Making him relax at the friendly and affectionate physical contact as she smiled reassuringly at him.

“That’s alright, do you mind if I call you Lance?” He shook his head and she nodded with a smile, hands sliding down his arms to grab his hands and gently guide him to sit on the bed. “That’s good then! Lance it shall be. Do you know where you are Lance? What’s the last thing you remember?” Lance frowned. Looking down in thought.

“Uh, no. I know I’m on a ship. But, I don’t know whose ship. The last thing I remember is waking up here. I don’t remember anything else besides basics I guess. Like. I know what things are called, or what they do. But I don’t remember how I know. It’s like I know everything, except myself. Does that make sense?” The woman smiled reassuringly at him, worriedly looking him over after she did, reaching up to check the back of his head, before she straightened back up.

“I hoped it wouldn’t be the case, but I can understand why. Lance, we found you injured on a planet’s surface, a planet that was not your own. It was a planet that hadn’t be inhabited in years. My team found you with a nasty head injury and barely conscious. We guess that you were one of the rebel soldiers who got left behind in a supply run after being injured. Right now, you’re on a Galran ship. Does anything of that sound familiar?” Lance bit his lip.

“The head thing. I remember my head hurting. But everything else is blank. I’m sorry, if that’s not much help. Thank you for saving me.” The woman smiled at Lance patiently, still holding onto his hands as she stood up. Prodding him softly to do that same. Which he did, stumbling a bit until he found his balance again.

“You’re not at fault. C’mon. Let’s go see the others. They’ll want to know your awake and you're just in time for lunch.” 

\---

The weeks passed quickly after that, Lance becoming accustomed and even situated into the team once they figured out he didn’t know if he had a home to go to. Who he even was. So, they offered him a home with them. And he was so happy. They were super pleased with him too, sure his hand to hand combat sucked. But when they gave him a rifle he hit every target. He was their little sniper. Their sharpshooter.

It sounded familiar. 

Soon enough every Galra knew of the new addition to Lotor’s top generals, the sweet boy with blue eyes. And everyone also knew that the first person to touch him would have all four original generals and the prince out for their head on a platter. The boy was loved by every single one of them and most of the Galran citizens too. Moral improved with each little snippet and sighting of the new general. Seeing him interact with the other generals, softening their edges and making them seem more, personal. Galran. And even for the new boy, the general who wasn’t even one shred of Galran, they loved him too. Seeing him playing with Galran children, smiling at everyone. Being friendly. It was almost like he was meant to be there. Like he always had been.

Only the team of generals got reminders that Lance hadn’t always been theirs. And those reminders would always make them wish they had found him sooner than they had. Nightmares. Sometimes every so often one of the generals or the prince could hear him scream in the night, quickly going to him to see him hysterically crying. Begging for someone not to hurt him. Saying he didn’t want to die. Sometimes it was him crying for his dad to stop. Sometimes he’d be hysterically sobbing, begging someone to help him. Calling out names to save him. Begging them not to leave him. To hear him. And the next morning when he’d wake up after passing out in one of their arms, he’d have no memory of what he’d been dreaming about. Only that he was afraid and in pain. Like his mind was forcing the memories out of his head. Repressing them.

That was probably what shifted Lance from just another kid they were taking care of, to their Lance, the one they needed to protect. One of them, with issues and demons of his own, while he could still fight. Stay strong. Wear armor proudly and not have it change him. He was quickly becoming the connection between the team and the world outside. He grounded them, and reminded them there was more out there than just people with perfect lives. There were people who had survived the horrible things they hoped their empire to stop. If their goal had ever been a second priority, it wasn’t now. They wanted a peaceful world and empire. One that way any kid like them had been or like Lance still was, could feel safe.

Luckily, Lance was improving on protecting himself and fighting with flying colors. His hand to hand combat was amazing, he couldn’t beat any of them yet, but he was inching closer to that. He could take down some of the other Galra soldiers despite his size and weight. It filled them with pride. However, his shooting was the source of most of their bragging. Lance had always been an amazing shot, but now he was perfect. There had only been very few instances where he had missed. Not even strain or injury usually deterred him. They still worried however, and that’s why when Lotor gave them the stones. The generals all wore them on their wrists, while they put Lances on a choker like necklace for further protection. It had the royal inscription around the small glowing stone. Meaning everyone would now not to mess with him is Lance were to ever go on a solo mission. The stones however were the real blessing. It shared emotions and information on the others well beings. It soothed all of them feeling how each other’s presence was still good and well. The only one who couldn’t feel the others was Lance, his quintessence manipulation was weak at best, most of his running through his veins unused. But they could still feel him and that was what really mattered.

No one told him because they knew he would get upset he couldn’t feel them. They also didn’t want him to know so he wouldn’t rush after them if they got hurt. If they were in a bad place the last thing they wanted was to endanger someone else. And Lance was so compassionate they knew nothing would stop him from coming to them. So, it was better for him to just believe it was for identification purposes. He seemed to really like the necklace either way, practically glowing with the few compliments from other soldiers and civilians. Chest puffed out in pride.

They were so grateful for that in this battle now. 

It had started out so easy, going through the old abandoned base. Lance was sitting up in some of the old internal recon towers with a sniper rifle as their just in case cover, it also was for the fact he could trigger some of the sensors being a non Galra. So, they’d escorted him to the towers entrance and let him walk around to try and find the best vantage point. Which they knew when he found it as he laughed and exclaimed his victory through the coms. Letting them proceed forward all over through the base under his watchful scope.

That’s when things went down. 

“Uh huh! That’s right! I really thought it was- hey. Did we call for back up?” Acxa furrowed her brows and looked to Zethrid, who replied to him. 

“No, we haven’t, why?”

“Well, there’s basically a giant ship that’s hovering above the atmosphere and now there are a bunch of… I think they’re ships? They look like massive metal cats. Zethrid. I’m… they look familiar. Why am I afraid?” Ezor’s breath caught in her throat.

“Shit. Voltron! Acxa, get what we came for. Narti, find out their status. Do they know we’re here? What are they looking for? Zethrid, go with Acxa for some muscle power and I’ll go with Narti. Lance. Keep an eye on them, tell us if they separate or do anything okay?” Lance gave a sound of agreement. “Put on your mask too. God knows what will happen. Last thing we need is a gas pipe breaking during the fight and having you get poisoned. Stay safe okay?” Ezor waited until she heard the sound of the face mask going over Lance’s mouth and nose before he relaxed. That was another thing that Lance was given. It was like Narti’s mask, only it was more muzzle like in the fact in covered Lances jaw, mouth, and nose. It was meant to silence and regulate Lance’s breathing in the different atmospheres. It also had the nice added bonus of protecting at least some of Lance’s head, which wasn’t covered by their armor.

Lance heart was beating in his ears, whenever he looked at the Voltron paladins he felt an ache in his chest and the smothering feeling of fear. But he shook it off. This was for his family, his friends, the empire. He couldn’t be afraid. Even though every time he looked at them his heart would pound painfully. And there was a tickle at the back of his head. As if he knew something, but it was escaping him. Lance bit his lip under the mask and contemplated it, until he watched them talk for a moment and split up. Three groups. One with the red and black paladins. One group with the green and blue ones. And the yellow one went back to his lion. Probably taking on a position like Lance’s own as recon and sniping. Lance turned on his coms.

“They’re splitting up. The green and blue ones are going to the west wing, you might be seeing them soon Acxa and Zethrid. Stay alert and be careful. The yellow paladin is taking off the surface. So, they shouldn’t be a worry. However, the red and black paladins ducked around the corner. I can’t see them anymore. Any updates on you girls?” Acxa’s voice crackled into his head piece first.

“Keep the green and blue one’s in your sights for as long as you can. Through the windows if you have too. We’re almost done with the download and deletion. Shit. Which entrance are they at Lance?”

“The southern one.”

“Zethrid, block the door, buy us the time it will take to break the door down or go around the building. Keep them outside for as long as possible. Ezor? You got anything?”

“We know their looking for information. But we didn’t know where any of them are going. The distance is too far for Narti to get good insight. Stay sharp all of you. Let’s get what we need done, done and get out of here. I’ve got a bad feeling with Voltron being here when its only us. Is our ship well hidden?” Narti gave a short reply.

“Yes.”

“Then we should be fine. They don’t seem to know we’re here. Go on as planned.” Banging sounded from Acxa’s line and her voice flitted through. Whisper soft.

“Don’t worry, the door’s blocked. We should be fine. Lance?” Lance squinted. 

“They’re just trying to test the doors. Like when you think its either locked or stuck and you’re trying to see if you can get it open? They’re giving up though I think… wait… no… ACXA ZETHRID DUCK!!!” The door blew open with the device in the green one’s hand. Lance had though the weird fiddling with the door had been getting excessive. Lance’s heart was thudding loudly in his ears as he readied his gun. He couldn’t shoot out them without making them duck into the building for shelter. Or… he could shoot away from them and make them think the other paladins needed back up. Lance smirked. Pulling the trigger, the window on a farther building burst and blew up in a bright flash. Gaining both the paladin’s attention as they readied their own individual bayards. Stalking away from the freshly caved in door and wandering towards the flash of light. He heard a sigh of relief.

“Thanks Lance. The download’s almost done. Are you guys ready?” Lance was going to reply, until he heard the familiar sound of footsteps down the hallway. His chest ached immediately and his palms began to sweat. He whispered hushedly into the com mic in his mask.

“Ezor… you wouldn’t happen to be in my building, would you?” Ezor’s voice entered the coms. 

“No? Why?” Lance’s heart raced faster and he immediately broke down his sniper rifle, taking out his pistol and looking around the room. Back to the window he was once perched in. 

“Ezor. I think I found the other two paladins. They’re down the hallway.” 

“Shit! Lance hide! Do not engage! The black paladin is the Champion! Get out of there as soon as you can. Go to the entrance of the recon buildings and hide. I’m on my way to get you. Acxa. Finish up there. Narti. Go get the ship ready.” The door to the room next to Lance’s slammed open and he heard voices. Talking loudly and in rythmn. Lance’s voice caught in his throat. He knew those voices. He knew them.

He also knew when he was afraid. 

Lance swung the sniper over to strap onto his back and he held his pistol tightly in his hands. Eyeing the window. If he could hop out of it and shuffle to one of the balconies he could get into a different room and go down the stairs, it was better odds than running for it. Lance let out a puff of air through his mask and grabbed the window, slowly pulling the window pane up and out of his way. He’d already swung a leg over when he heard the clicking of a readying weapon. 

“Stop right there.” Lance’s head shot up to see the Black paladin, arm shining a dangerous purple, bayard in his other hand. Lance’s breath caught in his throat as his mind shoved thoughts into his mind. He didn’t want to die. Feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Lance was stuck and confusion at the rampaging emotions.

“Lance?” The voice came out timidly from the black paladin. Shocked. But it was enough to get Lance to go into action. Spurring him to yank his other leg out the window and quickly edge his way into the other window. Holding tightly onto the wall and shuffling his way to the other window quickly and ignoring the shouts and reaching hand coming out from the window.

“Ezor. Ezor. He knew my name. He knew my name.” The coms crackled but remained silent. Dead. Lance cursed. They probably were cut off, Acxa must have accidently deleted the normal functions too in her haste. Lance cursed softly, knowing no sounds would escape his mask unless he pressed the release button. Lance made a noise of relief as a balcony came in sight and he scrambled onto it. Pulling himself onto it and sneaking in the balcony door.

It was terrifying. The building was ringing with shouts of his name and loud foreboding footsteps. Lance made the split decision to fuck stealth and just run. They already knew he was here. What he needed to do now was out run them and get the hell out of here. Hide in the entrance until one of the other came and got him through the sensors that shielded the way to their ship. 

Even though Lance regretted that plan as soon as he began sprinting as the door next to him slammed open and he was almost grabbed by red clad arms. Lance thanked god for all the races he’d always insisted on playing with Ezor. He would have been winded a long time ago by now if he hadn’t, though adrenaline was humming through his veins as he dashed down the stairs, loud footsteps and calling voices chasing after him as he burst through the doors of the building. Still running as he wildly looked around for a place to hide, until a strange blue whip like thing wrapped around his ankle and tugged. Forcing him to the ground as he dug his hands in, trying to struggle away as his pistol jolted away from his hands at the sudden force. Lance cursed. His sniper rifle was useless at such a close distance and he couldn’t reach it on his back as he was dragged and eventually circled. Three paladins, the red, black, and blue ones staring down at him in various states of shock as Lance shoved his fear aside and glared at them. No fear, no fear. Okay a little.

Lance struggled as they grabbed the edge of his mask. Trying to reassure him, as if the mask were really a muzzle and they were trying to free him. Lance jerked his head away, hitting the release button on his shoulder and yelling.

“Ezor!!! Let go of me! Acxa! Narti!” The efforts to pry off the mask paused as the paladins instead tried to hush and reassure them until they stopped dead.

“Let him go, or the paladin will die.” Lance’s head shot up and he was ashamed to admit he was starting to cry. Half in relief and half in fear as the Black paladin pulled him closer. Pressing him against the paladin’s side. Lance trembled a bit. God, he was such a little kid. Being so afraid. Until he looked at the generals in front of him. Seeing the fear in their eyes as he was sandwiched between the paladins. They were just as afraid. It made him feel a little better he guessed. Even though the unknown emotions flicked in his head at the sight of Acxa holding the green paladin hostage. Ezor spoke this time.

“Let him go. And we’ll let the green paladin go.” The black paladin spoke back.

“You took Lance from us last time. You’re not taking him again.” The green paladin gasped as Acxa’s grip tightened.

“Shiro, I’ll be fine! Take Lance and go!” The name shot through Lance. Shiro? The immediate feeling was familiarity, then it was sick feeling. Disappointment. Inadequacy. And a deep feeling of sadness. It shocked Lance and he immediately didn’t want the feeling, he just wanted to go home for a while. Take on this feeling and the paladins another day. When he was a little more. Ready. 

The arm holding him loosened a little in hesitation. Obvious reluctance and indecisiveness. Which Lance took complete advantage of. Ripping away from the paladin’s grasp and running straight for his friends on the other side. Zethrid grabbing him and lifting him up, which he allowed easily. Wrapping his arms around one of her shoulders and letting her support him. Lance leaned his head against her, watching the looks of betrayal that painted the paladin’s faces. He didn’t know why they were looking at him like that. Ezor shoved the green paladin towards the paladins.

“Lance is not yours. He is ours. We healed him. Loved him. He is one of us now. He may be your species, but he is our family. If you threaten my family again, I will kill each and every one of you. Slowly and painfully.” The voice Ezor used sent a shudder down Lance’s spine, she sounded deadly. Though Lance felt he should probably have expected that. She, like all the generals, had a side to them that was darker. Lance knew they would never hurt him, so he remained relaxed and pliant. Staying still as Acxa clicked his mask, shielding his ears as Narti did that weird mind thing she did. The high pitched noise. Lance watched indifferently as the paladins seemed to struggle to cover their ears and Lance was whisked away. Zethrid holding tightly onto him as they hurriedly boarded their ship before the paladins could catch up. Lance paused as he was let down, looking to his friends.

“I’m sorry.” Ezor and they all stopped dead.

“What for Lance?”

“I shouldn’t have gotten caught. I let you guys down. And then I froze. I got scared and I froze like a child. I’m sorry.” Immediately he was swept up in a bone crushing hug. Acxa was in his ear.

“Never. Put yourself down like that. We were scared too. The paladins are very dangerous, they’ve taken down many of the Galran soldiers and you were surprised. That could have gone much worse than what happened. You held your own very well. We failed to help you, it won’t happen again. You’re safe with us. You’ll always, be safe with us. Don’t forget that. If you ever are taken, Zarkon forbid. We will come for you. We promise you that.” Lance relaxed into their hold. Closing his eyes with a smile.

Yeah. He was safe.


End file.
